» 25 Things I’ve Learned In My 20s


1. You can’t date a jerk and expect to
turn them into a good person. Jerks
are fully committed to being
unpleasant. Those brief moments of
tenderness they give you are
designed to trip you up and give
you false hope. It’s best to stay
away altogether.
2. The rumors are true: your
metabolism does slow down as you
get older! That means if you’re still
eating whatever you want, there’s a
good chance you’ll start to gain an
awkward amount of weight. It
won’t be too drastic but your
clothes will start to hang differently
on your body and you’ll feel an
overall feeling of unattractiveness.
Start to be conscious of what you
eat and strive to live a healthier
lifestyle if you want to get your
teen body back. (Let’s be real
though, that might not ever come
3. You’re going to lose touch with a lot
of your friends. With some people,
it will be expected but with others
it will feel like a punch to the
stomach. No friendship is truly safe
in your twenties. You’re undergoing
so many personal and professional
changes that there’s bound to be
some casualties along the way.
Don’t worry though. You’ll end up
with the ones that matter. If
someone’s no longer in your life,
it’s for a reason.
4. You’ll be jealous of everyone who’s
more successful than you. That’s
okay. Just transfer that jealousy
into something productive, like
working really hard so you can one
day eclipse them and make them
feel jealous of YOU.
5. You’ll question every decision you
make and never feel completely
certain that you made the right
choice. It’s pointless to wonder
though. You’re here now so you
might as well make it be the right
6. You’re going to give your heart to a
few people who don’t deserve it.
Then, one day you’ll come to your
senses and ask them to give it
7. You’ll see your parents get older.
You’ll come home during Christmas
break and see new lines developing
on their faces. One day it’ll just hit
you that your parents are old and
going to die. There’s nothing you
can do about it, besides treat them
with kindness and visit as much as
your budget permits.
8. You’ll have a boss who makes you
feel like you’re nothing. It doesn’t
have to be in a Devil Wears Prada
way. The cruelty can be much more
subtle. Don’t let them get to you
though. They have no idea who the
hell you really are and you’re
probably going to have their job
someday so…
9. Doing drugs is fun until it’s not,
until it starts affecting your life in
negative ways and leaves you
feeling guilty and wrecked. If that
happens, you should stop doing
10. You’re going to puke in public. It’s
fine. No one cares. Just puke.
11. You’ll know how to make twenty
dollars last an entire week because
you spent almost all of your
paycheck on groceries at Whole
Foods and drunk cab rides. This
lesson in frugality will serve you
12. You’re going to betray your
convictions. You’re going to feel
shame. You’re going to continue to
put yourself in situations that
aren’t good for you. And then,
slowly but surely, it will become
less frequent. It might not ever go
away completely but it won’t be as
bad. In the meantime, stop shame
spiraling about it. It gets you
13. Loving yourself is hard. Hating
yourself is harder.
14. You’re going to hook up with
someone who you would never
touch in the daylight sober. Just
don’t freak out too much about it.
Consider it to be your good deed
for the day.
15. You’re going to have people in your
life who are toxic. They may say
that they love you, they may say
that they have your back, but they
don’t. Get rid of them.
16. You’ll have moments with someone
that are so intense, it’ll feel like
you’ve been electrocuted back to
life. You’ll hold on to these
moments for a long time. They’ll
give you hope when you’re going
through the motions.
17. You’ll always care about your first
love. That doesn’t make you crazy,
it just makes you human. When
relationships end, it’s not so cut
and dry. You carry everyone you’ve
ever loved into every relationship
18. You’ll enter your twenties as a
fashion disaster and (hopefully)
leave them looking fantastic. If you
don’t know how to put yourself
together by then, I really don’t
know what to tell you.
19. You’ll realize that the Internet can
be a cruel son of a bitch but, you
know, http://www.whatever.com .
20. So much of what you think matters
doesn’t actually matter at all. It’s
kind of rude. Like, thanks for
making me believe in things that
are ultimately so inconsequential,
you jerk.
21. You’ll treat someone terribly.
Whether it to be a lover or your
friend, there’ll be someone whose
feelings you take for granted. We
focus too much on whether or not
someone is hurting us. The reality
is that we might actually be the one
who’s hurting someone.
22. Doing “grown-up things” doesn’t
make you a grown up. Shopping for
housewares, buying a plant,
embracing domesticity — these
things don’t create maturity. If
you’re still a baby who hasn’t
figured things out, you’ll remain a
baby, no matter how many times
you pay your rent on time.
23. Don’t force yourself into loving
anyone. If it’s not working in the
beginning, it’s probably not going to
work ever.
24. You are so lucky to have everything
that you have. Stop crying about an
unreturned text message and get
some perspective.
25. Don’t go too long without having
sex. Ever


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