Women, I say let’s stop fighting it, let’s throw in the towel; screw Steinem, and Angelou too while you’re at it. Frida, Tina, Mindy and Malala, delusional women trying to make a point, set an example, and remain relevant against staggering odds.
Over the years discussions about sexism have wormed their way into the living room, women’s issues have become pressing debates, and the portrayal of women in the media has been questioned. But sometimes the fight to increase the scope of our impact as entrepreneurs, policy makers, and catalysts of change receive a blow like this obnoxious advertisement inviting women to prepare for marriage in 10 weeks with The Bridessential Course.
Dig some more and you’ll find more sparkling opportunities for women like this one in Beijing at the Moral Education Center for Women, the school teaches Chinese women how to find and marry rich husbands, offering lessons in how to apply makeup and how to spot a liar.
And of course this WikiHow that beats up your self-respect like it was a Mexican pinata.
Some sorry soul has spent time and pathetic energy constructing a science around this phenomenon. So we present to you for your vicarious entertainment or valuable information, without judgement or malice…
How to snag a millionaire or die trying.
The page breaks up the manipulation into 4 parts:
1. Becoming desirable
Don’t be a silicon augmented cliche, they warn. Instead they advise you to take care of yourself, get cultured, pick up hobbies (cooking is a sure-shot winner, and if you can do it like his mother does then you’re sailing through this one)’ And oh, the stinging irony of it all – respect yourself. Men are intelligent and we must keep it interesting for them, so get educated, but don’t go and get too smart to handle.
2. Finding your man
If WikiHow is right, women, we got to catch them young. Find out where all the rich kids hang out – upscale bars, auctions, charity balls. And they even throw statistics for credibility. Errm. Did you know that about 22% of married couples met their spouse through work? And don’t just manipulate your way to a potential spouse, but also rich friends who could lead you to them.
3. Landing your man
Now that you’ve unlocked level find your man, you got to land him. He needn’t know that you’re out to bang him for his buck. That’s not ladylike at all. Oh, also, don’t ‘bang him’, there’s no class in that.
Be a great date – fun and effervescent and lavish nauseating love and attention so that he needs you. But not too much, because (you may want to sit down for this), ‘Why should they marry you if having you as a girlfriend or mistress gets them what they want?’
4. Other Considerations
Rule out the chance of making it on your own, it’s just too hard they say. Evaluate your looks and brains, don’t talk about money, and be a lady. Don’t fucking swear or laugh too loudly, or wear flashy clothes which loosely translates to don’t look like a tart.
So there you go, that’s how you nail a millionaire and earn his million bucks, and before you know it he’ll be wrapped around your ring finger. And now please excuse me while I go and scrape the bottom of the pit that women have been dumped into.